Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

One struggle a single Christian woman may have is learning how to balance guarding her heart and opening her heart to someone new. The bible tells us to guard our hearts, so obviously it is important to do such a thing. So the question is how can she do that while still having an open heart to new love? How can we guard ourselves from getting hurt, but still be hopeful and optimistic? Another question, why is that with opening our hearts, there is a risk of getting hurt? Why is it that we have to be on our P’s and Q’s, but at the same time go with the flow of life? I have struggled with this and still do somewhat because let’s just be honest, it sucks getting our hopes up just to get let down. Guarding your heart is tough for those who love to love, because we feel that when we guard our hearts, it is almost as if we are not being true. It’s like we are hiding a piece of ourselves. Well as I am typing The Lord has shown me that we have a standard to uphold, we meaning Christian women. Those who want to come into our life have to show themselves worthy of our time. God did not deliver us from heartache and soul ties just so that we can allow anyone, whether a friend or man, to come and make themselves at home in our hearts. However, just as we are to guard our hearts, we are to love even harder. Crazy right?

However, remember that God has called us to love one another (Mark 12:31) . So we are to still love unconditionally. Guarding our hearts doesn’t mean we have to be stiff, boring, shut down, mean, cocky, prideful, scared, or expect the worst. Instead it means we live by the Bible and keep God in the picture so we don’t live off our feelings. It means we are patient and trusting God to write our love life. It means we are led by the Spirit so we do not awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 2:7). It means we pray before we act. It means we take what people tell us and match it to God’s word. It means we don’t rely on our “age”, to lead us into relationships. It means we don’t live without wisdom. I know there may be people even family members telling you your clock is ticking, pushing you to settle in fear, but rebuke those negative seeds that are trying to be planted in your heart.

Guarding our hearts is just using discernment with every step we take with confidence that we will receive exactly what God has for us. But how do we do that when we desire love?

Well, we first must recognize that the only love we should truly desire is God’s love. God is love and if we don’t embrace the love He gives so freely, we will live with disappointments and miserably comparing the love we are used to getting back in return to the love we are given by imperfect humans. Secondly, we must remember that relationships are blessings and if we cannot stay focused and connected to the one true relationship, the one with Jesus Christ, we will never be satisfied. Thirdly, we must remember that our feelings are temporary and that we must die to our flesh and the emotions that come with it.

Guarding your heart may be hard to do in a world where everything is microwaved and ends before it even starts, but by the grace of God, it can be done. A Christian woman should strive for perfection in Christ before striving for a perfect relationship. Even if that means surrendering her desire for love and waiting on God. I say this because people will let you down, but God will always be faithful, which is why the relationship with Him is more important than any other relationship on this earth. We fail at guarding our hearts because we want what we want now and will settle, lower our standards, ignore red flags, get overly emotional, become impatient to get it. But, don’t we know as women of God, we are the gift to a man. We are worthy and only if we knew who exactly we were in Christ, it would be much easier. We aren’t guarding our hearts to keep everyone out, but it’s so that the right person can come in. Not everyone is worth your time, not every man is worth getting to know you on an intimate level, and not every man is who he says he is. God gives us the gift of discernment to weed out the ones who He does not classify as His best.

You can still enjoy the company of a man but you also have to be smart and walk with wisdom at the same time. That wisdom only comes from spending time with God. God will show you who you can open your heart up to, who deserves to see the ugly side of you, and who to be patient for. God will prepare you to be the woman for the man you desire. God will show you how to balance guarding your heart while opening up to someone new. Don’t be so gullible and know your worth and you will be just fine opening up to the right person.


Brittany La’Vell

Brittany La'Vell