Hey there Beautiful Souls, I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted, but I’m back and I am ready to share all that The Lord has been pouring into me. I took an unplanned break and at first, it was just me putting off posting because of how busy my schedule became in the blink of an eye. Then eventually I realized that my passion was being tested, along with my faith and identity. It awes me how God uses situations and things to get our attention, because I had to really pray and allow God to ignite the fire and reaffirm my identity in Him.
Before I get into it, I just want to say to those who have been waiting for new material, I truly apologize, unwanted circumstances come and time waits for not one single person. I know one thing that God wants me to be with my writings, is real! Transparent, but not in a sense that I spill my entire life and business, more so, not pretending that everything is perfect and always okay, because honestly, it’s not (lol). Sad to say but because we are still in the flesh, -well let me speak for myself- because I am still in the flesh, I deal with things the normal person deals with and sometimes how I react may not always be the best, but thank God for His grace and mercy right?!?
So, these last couple months have been interesting to say the least. I have been on an uphill, been pushed downhill. It has been beautiful and ugly, overwhelming and calming. A journey is what it feels like I’ve been on, and I am still on it.
During this journey process there has been a discovery of my true identity. The uttermost hidden areas have been resurfacing, so that I can truly be free. I mean, there were parts of me I thought were dead and gone, delivered and freed, healed and transformed, but randomly crept back up. It’s as if I’m on this long desert road and at the end I can see this mountain that I must climb in order to elevate closer to God.
However, as I’m traveling on this road attacks pop up, temptations rise; from memories that I’m tempted to dwell on, thoughts I’m fighting not to entertain.
I realized that in order to persevere, I must go back to the basics.
I thank God, I thank Him for His mercy, His grace, and His patience with me. Though there were times I wanted to give up, because I felt like I was not qualified anymore. It was like everything I had ever wrote about, preached about, talked about and encouraged others with was thrown at me full force.
From relationships, to friendships, to my job, to my blog, even down to my relationship with God. I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t backsliding, I wasn’t blatantly sinning; I wasn’t running to the world, I was just simply under attack. I became weary from the responsibilities and burdens on my shoulders. I started to underestimate my calling and God’s love for me. I started asking God what was wrong with me? Why did I feel the way I felt?
Sometimes we put more on ourselves than God intended. Sometimes we take on tasks and assignments that God never gave to us. Sometimes we try to look the part when in actuality, our hearts are elsewhere. Sometimes we run ahead of God and bring unnecessary stress which then can resort to weariness.
Discipline… was the word that was in my spirit. I needed to discipline myself and learn to say no. I had to learn to prioritize my daily tasks. I had to learn to take a step back and observe what was really go around me. God never wants us to be stressed, to be weary, to feel like there is more on our plate than we can handle. I had to learn from Jesus. I had to go to Him and be real with how I was feeling. I had to give Him my burdens and take His yoke and light burden. I knew I had to go back to the basics. Pray, fast, read, repeat.
Remember… I had to remember who I was and whose I was. A child of God, whose sins have been forgiven, someone God seen worthy to bless with the precious gift of the Holy Ghost, and someone God trusted to share His Word through a distinctive gift. The perfect target for satan. I had to encourage myself up with God’s Word and remember that with being saved comes a fight. A fight for a peace of mind, and a daily death of my flesh. It’s not easy, but the sufferings of this present time are NOT worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (Romans 8:18). Thank God for His Word.
Slow down… I had to slow down and be still in The Lord. I had to let God continue to do the work that He started in me. I had to let God continue to do the healing and sanctifying in me, that He started. I was trying to perfect my life and my walk in my own strength. Every time I would come up short in my eyes, I would feel inadequate and unqualified for God. Then I remembered that it is by grace through faith that I am saved, not what I do, how many ministries I am a part of, not how much I go to church… but through grace alone. I had to learn that God’s perfection and my perfection were different. As I began to slow down and allow The Lord to show me my truth, I was able to humble myself and repent for intentions and reasonings that were behind some of what I was doing.
I share this with you, to say that when life gets real, when your circumstances overwhelm you, when you lose sight of the unique path God has set before you, don’t give up! It will not be easy, I would be lying if I said it was, but it will be worth it to keep the hope. When we surrender our lives to God, we are also surrendering how we deal with life when it hits hard. Run to God and not this world, be real and personal with God in prayer, and let Him bring you out stronger and even more determined to live for Him whether life is going good or sour. When life gets real, it’s the perfect opportunity for your faith to grow stronger.